well updating again, since my blog has seem to come to a complete standstill as of 15th sep 2008 o.O. dunno why, can't seem to break out of this lifeless mode. feel like i'm underperforming, but tough to find strength. feel like i've exhausted myself, and telling myself i'm not, and continuing.

bloody stressed can. so many things i wanna do but so little time and yet i can't get myself to treasure the time. like hmwk, i still owe the one chi compre which i have already handed up on time last week but got accused of not handing up and not being able to find a copy of the question paper was unable to do again however i found an extra copy today and thus i am able to do the chinese compre now but i have the chao ji ah ma test tml which i have barely started reading oh btw did i mention that lim kim choo say for every late submission will minus marks from exams from my already oh so close to failing chinese !@#$% same goes for LA file, had no idea it was today (i think i'm cramming more into my brain than the desired amount -_-), and marks will be deducted from i don't know what. also i want to learn alot of things, i have alot of dutiesssssssssssssssssss (not just duties as in work -_-). also i wanna help those who are potentially so close to failing the gpa and those who are almost 99.99% sure of failing their gpa. (hey, there's no certainties in life) but wonder how to help ppl when my studies is so freaking like total !@#$% shit now can. the more i rest the more stressed i get can. cos all the work will pile up -_-. if i'm gonna start learning better i better get my stress level down. not helping with learning ability -_- i wonder if i'll get retained if my chinese fail lor. somehow my chinese forever can't be good. must be cos i've never read a nice chinese book before ._. or even a story, english fanfictions and storybooks are alot more interesting la.

stress stress stress. i've been underperforming alot, not doing what i expect myself to do, not up to standard, not enough. (i put more stress on myself for not performing well than for trying my best to perform well -_-) wonder if i should cut my fingers, getting abit long =/ each one got 6-7mm bah =X hai oh well.

wishes.

one more important task before i can rest.

do you understand..

understand what it feels like..

know what it feels like..

just sucks..

hai not really in the mood to blog sia. so much( much is an uncountable noun xP) hmwk to do sia. or rather so much hmwk to do and i owe and unable to hand up !@#$%. oh freak i just rmbed i have safety first test to study for. sai la, don't even know if the others know bout it. stress stress stress. just feeling spent, maybe on the verge of burning myself out. wonder how i can still get that little bit of strength to continue on with my duties and at least attempt to do well for my studies. feeling weak, but who where what when how is my relief going to be?

don't really feel like posting on events, and i know i shouldn't keep posting like this. but dunno la, don't know what to blog on anymore, this is just on a whim. oh well, gd luck for eoys ppl.

can you feel it?

you can skip this part if you don't like 'emo' stuff.

feels like something really really horrible is going on inside me, but what? i don't know. i wonder if there's anybody who can tell me whats happening to me. i wonder if i'll ever meet a person like myself. feels horrible. not the same anymore. and i don't know what to do. maybe i'm not supposed to do anything about it. but i can feel something horrible, maybe changing inside me. extremely horrible, i can't identify it, i don't know how to stop it from happening. something's changing and i don't like it, not even one bit. i don't know whats gonna happen to me sia. maybe i'm just confused.

since start of this year told myself, no being emo. but what? how long can sturborn will stand. argh hate it, i don't want to change one bit, i'm actually scared i'll change sia. change into something irrecognisable, change into something that i would hate.

through instinct, i don't like this.

end of 'emo' stuff

told myself cannot become sad again, but i guess i'll allow myself one post(nor do i think its very safe posting stuff bout yourself in a public blog, but whats the point of having a blog if you can't even say anything -_-). just a quick post bah, well, common test did suprisingly well, if you compare my results with how much i studied -_-. so far only failed physics real real real real bad. (not even an F9 can), but didn't expect much from it bah. so far 2 A1s (if you count SS as a single subject), 1 A2s, 1 B3, 1 B4, 1 F9(-_-lll) still got chinese haven't get back, lim kim choo is absent for a whole week, guess its a C5 or C6 bah. so my GPA got pulled down by term 3 rawr, but expected can, i've been sleeping in class ever since i sat in a corner. now move to not corner liao the teacher's voice still doesn't exactly reach me since its still a backseat, but i'm definitely not complaining ._. i think xunhong damn cham, you just need to sit in the backseat and within a few mins or hrs (depending on your willpower) you go to lalaland already -_- cos its very warm there, then teacher's voice can't reach, and you're easily blocked by people in front of you so you can sleep all you like xP jk. but corner seat in block B and C rocks =X its damn spacious and fresh air is abundant since you sit close to a door xD ok beginning to get crappy.

lol, recently tried to get more studious cos my attitude for studies is downright ridiculous now. so don't be surprised when you see me staying back late to finish my hmwk(mostly overdue).

i think this is one of those really rare posts where i post what i feeling like posting about. and be truthful

good nights people, btw don't worry, this has (well almost) nothing to do with my cca.

hai, i seriously don't know whats wrong with me sia. anyone?

ah forget bout it. just saved that post as draft. anyway i really really wish that this world will become a nicer place. big words but whatever. people, cherish before you lose.

those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

i want to rant. but i don't know who to rant to. or who to hear my thoughts. i'm not the only one with problems, just feeling tad empty inside.