super unfocused today, don't know why. feel like things easy to go in leh but i don't feel like i own the knowledge o.O brain is tired even though i have just been rotting today, sickening. feel like its was wrong to pressure myself, but i seriously have no motivation and it takes a huge amount of willpower to even convince myself to sit down and study seriously. thats why i need somebody to study with me, studying yesterday was quite productive la. and my brain won't rot and fly away. and i don't like to motivate myself, seems like the moment i give myself stress i do badly -__-. ah sucks. actually is i can't give myself any motivation de, so pressuring myself to do sth cos of that is not really..whatever my mind is getting incoherent and sorry for this post and byebye jiayou ppl hope i am normal tommorrow.

today is september 24th, and tommorrow will be the last day of proper lessons i guess? since after eoy syllabus will be vastly different doubt they will be teaching again bah. hmm if i were in a normal sec school tml would be the last day of lessons in that school, and after O level that would be it, but i'm studying in the same school for 2 more years, so oh well xP. yep exams are starting soon, my progress isn't exactly fantastic, need some source of motivation. and if i come online at least 2 hrs is lost -_-. bio math and chinese are mainly whats worrying me, bio cos alot of things to study, maths cos its double weightage and my maths has been..ahem ok la decent but scared get low grade then will pull everything down. chinese cos well, anybody who knows me should know why i am worried bout chinese -_-. k i'm going to sleep~ nights!

i'm feeling alot of things right now. but i have no idea how to put them into words. how to express how frustrated i am? how to explain how fedup and sick i am? whatever, how am i supposed to do things so i don't do it wrong?

mr tan on fri: there has been a big hu ha over the serangoon gardens incident, about how the foreign workers would gather in the parks and sit on the grass..

alvin: and the grass turned black.

hehe ok lame xP hahas somehow that left an impression on me, anyway i'm super bored. and crap crap crap i've been slacking for dunno how long le -_- wanted to study today but have been watching videos -_- zzz how?!! yesterday whole day was wasted, k la not really wasted, went for the bird park thing, i'm a conservation ambassador now, but i made a mistake which was quite serious i think, for the test tour guiding part =/ rawrs and my op is still cmi, even though i think the op went better than before. cca leader for 1 year already op still so cmi, zz, must improve! next time must let ppl think ex-cca leader mah, presentation imba sia xD. hahas anyway, quite scary to think that we would have to contend with and guide real people and talk to them about the stuff of the bird park like..after technicly only 1 training. i suspect jurong bird park is trying to save money -_-

lols after watching the videos kinda miss all the rod and itc dances that we did xP (TAN WEE TECK GO AND STUDY!) first dance learnt in rv was sundance, which was, ers dunno how to comment la, sec 1 mah, so think quite ok bah xP. then rod 06, learnt wu niang T_T ehs wonder why did the guys ever agreed to dancing that hahas. but it was quite cool la, and wu niang which seemed impossible then seems so easy now after learning those 2 dances for rod 09 ._. lols still rmb the guys replaced a part which was really too niang with banging and saluting, which totally didn't suit the music xD but its the ending move so whatever xP

then came (wee teck..seriously its 6.27 go and study!) rod 07 (itc 07 i think was supposed to be jing wu men, but cos we had 1 month left and we spent a few months for wu niang, so from that we concluded that we had no time for jing wu men, thus settled for a skit.) was 1 2 step, was..an ok dance? lols i only liked the 1 2 step part(i bet none of you other than my squad de ppl know what i'm talking about =P) our ics said that the dance was good but our faces no expression one, then kinda sian =X

hais

then itc 08, was yi zhi du xiu (we like luo zhi xiang alot sia..), which was quite bad, as in we started choroing a week before itc and learning at the same time -_- but turned out ok bah, except abit short la. was a lil dissapointing we couldn't put a up a real good performance since its the last time we would perform at itc =/. yep followed by 4 minutes and wan ku for rod 08, then hua hu die/guo wang wang hou and can we chill for rod 09. not in the mood for blogging le sorry ._. yep but was really memorable bah, especially the dances for rod 09, though it wasn't perfect but i'm sure it rocked ^^.

dunno why i suddenly blog about this kind of things again. sorry for the exceedingly boring post, cya ^^

studying is immensely boringgggggggggggggggggggg. but i get some sort of motivation from wanting to beat others in results xP. today slacked damn lot..zz! want to look for somebody to study with me bout like everyday prefer to stay home and study -_- don't really want to disturb them if is like that too o.O

realised that i never really stopped thinking too much, i just forget like almost immediately after i thought about things. its quite scary when you just can't seem to rmb anything, and its quite..bad for me to forget things just like that, sometimes i forget important things as well and i can't really construct an argument well. which is bad bad bad. its like when you just wake up from a dream and the memory of the dream slips away from you and you just can't rmb it le. guess is cos i keep forcing myself to not think too much, guess force is never the way to solve anything. though i don't really believe in absolute things in life xP.

hmm had a talk on subject combi on weds, quite scary huh, you are already taking your first steps in deciding your future path le. gonna be 16 this year, and 17 the next, so old liao -_-. i think its only at 17 where you will really think that i'm old ._. then at 20 you will think that '..i'm an adult?' then at 30 you will think 'crap i'm an uncle now -_-'. hehe ok stop crapping xP. humans should really learn how to treasure everything that we have right now, hope i am able to do it sia..at childhood want to faster grow up cos can do anything we like nobody will control us, then reach our age really want to go back to childhood de innocence and purity, then reach adulthood start working le would want to go back to school, cos..school is quite fun la, even though we are constantly dieing from studying its still fun with all the ppl at school xP. and at least there is an end for school, you start working le don't think there would be an end -_-. oh wait there 'touchwood' is an end. k la i'm not really optimistic bout work, just that don't want to work work work be caught up with all the earning money and then just..dots. i must live a fulfiling and meaninful life! must~

ok, good nights people, sleep early!(sleep is very important you know!). good luck for eoys ^^.

maybe i shld get a twitter or sth..nah. i don't think i will make long posts until i feel the inspiration again xP.

well, term 4 is starting soon(in another 53 minutes). TAN WEE TECK BE SERIOUS AND STUDY! zzz, is like if i'm in a normal secondary school this would the be the last exam i would ever take o.O. but too bad i would still have to look forward to taking exams next year in the same school lols.

rawrs, my eyes hurt, good night xP

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”

The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said “I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you.”

“Of course I can,” said the father.

-author unknown, it can be found on several websites on the internet.

i think..thats one of the main reasons why i don't lose my temper. cos once i do it i'm not sure if i can ever reverse the damage i do.

you can stop reading from here, its all incoherent and i don't think its understandable =P

but then..we should know by now that the only certain thing in life is that nothing is certain, anything can happen. this is going to be an incoherent post again -_-. hope. somehow i don't feel right talking about hope right now. shouldn't have done this post today, wasn't right -_-. hope.

whats up with blogger o.O has been weird for so long le, isn't the company going to fix this..o.O anyway wee teck after posting you better go and start your revision -_- i ers think there is a physics remedial today xP haiya..must make up for it!

since so many ppl say they don't understand what i blogging i blog about what happened recently bah -_-.

hmm last saturday was my first ever trip to the bird park~ hehe surprised right? actually i dunno whether i got go be4 or not la, i have a vague memory of watching a bird show but i don't rmb actually going to bird park o.O.

so weird blogging while blogger is like this -_-.

anyway, i went bird park for sl, sort of weird, the only person i'm shou with there is jiayi o.O not that shou with alvin la. and sl really should have orientation first la, is like all of us dunno each other ._. then will just go and clique with the ppl we know. got alot alot of cliques that day lols. k so i went bird park to become a volunteer conservation ambassador, where will receive training then will have to do our duties at bird park. in short, we have to pay them to become tour guides at bird park. $20 somemore! but we get a t-shirt and 6 months free admission to the bird park lols.

anyway, reached there, sit there wait wait wait. supposed to start at 8.30 but got ppl late till 9 ._. yep then started, went into (am i the only person who blog about details after 4 years of blogging?) a room where we had a presentation by maggi and faith our 2..ICs in UG terms xD.(somehow i'm feeling quite bored blogging about this ._.) kk sooooooooooooo anyway, ppt, then had a short icebreakers, cos got NUS and other school ppl there also, i think is 40 ppl in total, 20 from rv xP. got koreans and ang moh too. yep then went out to get a tour around the place, its supposed to be a demonstration to how we should guide them bah, alot of things to say, totally talk until 12.30 lunch time ._.

yep then 12.30 me weikiat terence david decided to go jurong point to eat, i had to reach back bird park by 1.30, but thought shld be ok de, then the other 3 ppl along with 12 other rvians are going back school for hsk by 1.50. then who knows wait until 1.05 still no bus come -_- then in the end got one uncle driving a mini van i think is like shuttlebus service de lols. yep then took us to jp, then the 4 of us rushed to da bao food then rushed to mrt for them and bustop for me. be4 i reached bustop i finished eating le ._. so is like get off bus go jp buy food go back bustop without stopping lols. yeah then i was late hais -_- reached back at 1.40pm, but seriously the bus frequency there sucks -_- and bird park is not 2 stops away from jp lor! is like 5 stops away but the bus only stops at 2 of them -_- if it was 2 stops i would have ran there sia..oh ya we were talking if we started walking from 1.30 we would have reached jp faster than waiting for bus -_-

lols ok bear with me i'm about done~. k so 1.40 reached back i see nobody in sight -_- go counter ask dunno, go ask the ppl working there also dunno where they are o.O. and i dun have any of their numbers ._. lols then luckily the person allowed me to enter to look for them, then basicly from then on i took a self guided tour around bird park several times, i even went to watch the birds and buddy show xD hahas but i seriously walked finish the whole of the bird park several times xP then at 3.30 i became smarter and decided to stop walking -_- just went to the reception area to wait, cos they should pass by here sooner or later ._. then who knows 1 min later they really appeared lols. then nobody other than the rv ppl recognised me, but they never give any reaction also, so its ok, i just mixed in with the group xD lols then found out i didn't really miss much, just about the charity event they were to hold, emergency procedures, and riding the panorail. yep then they talked about how to sign in and register and stuff. end of the day~

monday was class cip at east coast park where we were supposed to meet at 8.45 am and the last person to reach reached at about 10 + ._. lols i was on time then only got 4 ppl there, then i just walked off somemore to blow wind, then soon just walked back and they were just starting the CIP, oh ya our CIP was beach cleaning, did for awhile like for 40 mins then went back liao ._. then went back le like we were doing nth at all and waiting aimlessly so i went off to blow wind again xP. haiya sorry la..abit irresponsible >_> cos CIP supposed to end at 12 but when 3 classes cleaning one beach there's nth much to clean -_- yeah then walking back halfway alvin called and i said i walking back liao, oops sorry for making everybody wait for me! >_> hais sorry..i'm not feeling myself nowadays -_-. i think everybody waiting for me to go off o.O yeah then the class split off into many parts, was kinda hoping for a class outing though o.O went cycling with some ppl from our class later, but don't really want to comment about it la. its nth bad la.

wanted to blog today, but too damn tired xP i'm typing with only one eye open now -_- blog a real one tml xD

heart hurts. once again i feel helpless.

why blogger still like that o.O. been kinda long since i last blogged, nth interesting happened really in the past week, maybe nth that i would take notice of bah ._. yep decided i'm going forth with service learning club, though i didn't really hear good stuff bout it o.O but still quite interested in joining bah..i think it was last weds we had a briefing on sl, then yeah the yr 5 sl members talked about how hectic sl is, and stuff like that. they are quite convincing =X wonder if i will have time for other ccas or not =/ but nowadays i really super bored sia..i miss my hectic life xD. i think i just miss their company xP. though the break now is kinda good la..though i'm not recovering much -_-. yawn, pai seh, i'm abit..zz now.

hmm yeah hopefully sl starts full scale soon, though eoys are coming soon, means cca are going to take a break, and i'm gonna be boredddddddddd againnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. hopefully sl would be worth dedicating to o.O i want to see more ppl blog bout sl leh, but nobody really doing that o.O

bleh too sian to blog, sorryyyyyyyyyy. some people say that everything happens for a reason, and i really try to see the good in things. maybe this time is to let me learn courage bah, may my spirit be neverendingly strong.

i'll wait.