Feel so tired -_- I must break the habit!

Met up with primary school friends 2 days ago. Kinda amazing how we just meet up so randomly and can have so much fun and talk together lol. Like since primary school, then maybe sometimes teacher's day go back, then after that sec 3 apicha going overseas then we met up, then this year apicha come back then we meet up again lol. then after that we had this random outing o.o whats cooler is that most of us live in the same area so we're like walking each other home at the end of the day. yay i like them alot :D

Met up with 2e people yesterday too quite happy to see them ^^ so glad that we are still close and can talk very normally and well :) was supposed to have a bbq at pasir ris park with the pit already booked then me and kee heng was waiting for the rest to come for almost 2 hrs -_- omg i think 2e ppl are the most amazing at being late lol. actually not very funny rawrs 2 hrs abit too much -_-. anyway tx jess and kathy came and i don't know why suddenly like bbq very troublesome then jesslyn suggested to not have bbq then yeah just like that lol. In the end we travelled all the way to pasir ris to eat seoul garden hahaha -_-. and the last person came at about 9.30pm when the meeting time is 3pm lol. but that one is got reason one la but yeah got alot of ppl like just dripping in throughout the outing lol. Oh we went to the arcade and the beach to chill and talk in the meantime before dinner!

I received a hurtful msg from a friend when we were at the arcade there yesterday. My mood was originally great but for the whole day quite sad cos of that. just felt like emoing lol and not talking to ppl ._. sorry to some people who had trouble talking to me its me not you ._. I'm not trying to be melodramatic by trying to make something small seem big. Its just that particular to me those words are really hurtful. I really really hate it when a friend tells me that I don't actually care. Like i always thought we were always friends is this what you thought of me? especially when i argued similarly with another friend few years earlier, and she said she didn't believe in friends. And i couldn't convince her i was one. And i thought we were friends. And friends to me are either true ones or ones that i don't expect to stay. It still remains the most hurtful memory in my life. And other than that there was alot of hurtful exchanges not just that -_-.

I don't know how am i supposed to feel. I don't think i can stand losing another friend. I think i will be unresponsive to people by then lol. Shit =/. I hate remembering this. how to have faith and be close to people? what am i supposed to do what am i supposed to learn. Sometimes feel like people aren't considerate of my feelings. So i wonder why am i being so considerate of others' feelings. Most of the time i'm not ok. And i'll never just reveal everything i'm feeling with a big group of people. But i think to talk to me, i think you have to understand how i am feeling inside first. Just how many people actually understand me and bother? I hate it, being able to pick myself up, because really don't feel like it anymore. Can i just be weak for a moment without ppl judging. ah screw this.