Went out with my primary school friends and squadmates last weekend. I never imagined I would still be going out with my primary school friends now o.o We never really went out to begin with and all of us sort of went our seperate ways lol. Then suddenly we started meeting alot and becoming close. It's really comfortable with them because they are all such great people! Find it so amazing. The guy squadmates too, i didn't imagine that we would be playing mahjong and drinking(though i don't like drinking ._.) and telling each other our problems and stuff now. Even though the girls didn't join us for the stayover it was really nice with them around too. I just feel comfortable and fun and I can be myself (mostly?).

I had dinner with 2e people on the same weekend too(somehow 1 weekend suddenly so busy when i'm nuaing so much normally -_-). Was looking forward to see alot of people but not many of the girls came(4?) and only the stayout nsf guys came -_-. I was the only one who left early to bookin lol. People like jesslyn, bingle, yujie wanted to see them actually. I think I was more quiet with them and during our talk there were some awkward silences lol. But i think somewhat due to those normally very talkative people not being around lol. And i'm not really close to some of them so hmm couldn't really get into it? But what i think i really learnt from this weekend is that never take things for granted? I never thought I would lose any of my friends, never thought I would become awkward or lack of things to say in front of them. I always thought 2e will always be very bonded(It is i think!) but this time just felt a difference. Maybe it was just how comfortable I was? It has actually been quite long since we last met up like at least half a year, I was thinking when i got whatsapp I would celebrate the 1 year anniversary since our last outing lol. On a sidenote not having whatsapp is really quite inconvenient especially for planning outings and getting updated on info -_-. Partly because things were still quite strained between me and another person -_- and the girls like having a life we the nsf guys can't understand in uni lol. nothing to relate to xP.

you really need to put in effort to maintain all the relationships, when you take things for granted then i guess thats when things start to not go so well?

It is hard to be comfortable. recently i keep thinking(actually i think I have been thinking about it for like..always) about this friend that i lost. The same friend that i liked. If i had told her earlier it might have helped and things could still become better? If she was willing to talk and not avoid things entirely it would have helped too. She caused me a lot of misery and I wasn't being fair to her. So how do we have a good ending? not blaming. Some people would probably tell me that I need to let go of the past? But what if i can't? I want to be honest and tell her everything. But its not like I haven't tried to tell her how i felt before. What's the difference? One was when i couldn't let go and one now is when I can accept that its not coming back? Yes i know i'm being extremely incoherent butttttt its my blog. I always minded what she thought. But she didn't need me to take care of her all the time. I always minded what others thought. I think..I really should have a closure and not just stuff like this.